• Dr. Cirelli

Appreciating What You Have Instead of What You Want


With everything 2020 has thrown at us, you may feel like everything has gone a bit (make that a lot!) sideways. And in many ways it has. But this year has also turned out to be more about appreciating what we have instead of wanting for more hasn’t it?


While there have been ups and downs, a lot has happened at the community and personal level that we can be grateful for, and we have all become a little more aware of the importance of the little things; the moments of connection and our individual ability to infuse joy into each day.


Let’s look at some simple ways in which we can focus on what truly matters most and bring joy into every day.


Focus on Your Community

The better part of this year has shone a spotlight on the importance of community support. Many have turned to their neighbors for practical help, but also for social and emotional support. Some communities have combined all three with initiatives like neighborhood food banks, clothing drives, errand support and job search help. As well, shopping local and supporting local business has become a huge desire across the country.


Create The Community You Want

Sometimes it’s simply about getting together safely to share a joyful moment and blow off some steam. Some neighborhoods have created weekly outdoor parties featuring a wide range of engaging activities. Painting neighborhood murals and making a joyful noise by singing or having an impromptu music jam are just some of the ways that communities are stepping up to spread joy.


Safe Santa Visits

Wondering how your kids will get their wish list to Santa safely? While some malls are implementing social distancing measures for in-person visits, many Santa’s are going virtual and offering Zoom calls.


One such Virtual Santa notes that Zoom calls are twice as long as the usual mall visit. Your kids may get more Santa joy with a personal video call than in a crowded mall.


Helping your kids feel supported and safe is important. Find ways to keep normalcy in an otherwise abnormal time while keeping in mind kids are really just living in the moment!


Get Serious About What You Can Control

How many times have you told yourself that when a certain thing happens, you will finally be happy? Perhaps when you finish that big work project, get that promotion, pay off the mortgage. Or meet that special someone.


You Are In The Driver’s Seat

Reality check: you are in control. Joy does not depend on outside influences. Joy need not wait for a moment in the future that may never arrive. Joy resides within and is available to you 24/7 - if you are conscious of it and take action.


Where is Your Locus of Control?

Psychologists use the term locus of control to describe how much control we feel over our lives. An internal locus of control means that we feel strong agency in our lives and attribute our successes to our own abilities and efforts. Those with an external locus of control do not feel they have much control over their lives, and attribute success to external factors. It’s time to take back the power of your level of happiness by getting back to what’s really important. Family, health, nature, laughter and love.



The Power of Positivity

Our consumer culture tells us: buy more. Do more. Be more. But what about the little things? Isn’t it time to get back to basics? That brilliant yellow leaf, glinting in the sun. Your children’s happy smiles when you take them out in nature. Joy is captured in moments (and they don’t need to all end up on social media). But your heart must be open to joy, or those precious moments may just pass you by.


Meditation

Instead of looking for more outside of yourself, try looking within. Meditation can bring us to a place of stillness where we can truly hear ourselves. Without the roar of constant seeking and doing, we are finally free to hear our inner guidance.


Box Breathing

Box breathing is an effective stress reducing technique that can help to calm down our nervous systems in stressful times. It is a simple and effectice breathing technique that can be used by anyone, anytime and anywhere. Simply inhale for a count of four seconds, hold your breath in for a count of four seconds, exhale for a count of four seconds, and then hold your exhale out for four seconds. Repeat this cycle for a total of five minutes.


You Have All You Need

From a spiritual perspective, you already have everything that you need. As Buddhist philosopher Pema Chodron says: “How do we cultivate the conditions for joy to expand? We train in staying present.”


Bring Back the 80’s

The 80’s was about more than acid-wash jeans, neon sweaters and feathered hair. Without the internet it was a slower, more social time. Is it time to ease up on our beloved tech and slow things down – 80’s style?


Family walk

Walking is the original exercise. There is something about walking in the forest – the sound of the wind rustling through the trees. The crunch of leaves and running water. The fresh smell of cedar and pine. Try taking your family (or just yourself) for a long forest walk. Nature has a way of bringing out the best in us, and you may find that you feel more abundant after time spent outdoors.


Games Night

Board games were a staple of the 80’s. Why not get your family together and kick it old school with Monopoly, Risk or Scrabble? For a modern twist, try these 6 board games you can play over Zoom.


Block Party

Block parties are a great way to get to know your community. Try organizing an outdoor sing-along with your neighbors.


Live to Give

We can get so caught up with our day-to-day lives that it’s easy to forget the joy of giving. Giving back takes us out of ourselves and shifts the focus to someone else.


Giving Makes You Happier

In a 2020 study, participants were asked to play a multiple-choice video game. Only half were told that a donation to the United Nations World Food Program would be made for every answer they got right. In the post-game assessment, the first group was significantly happier. Giving makes you happier, which leads to more giving, which further increases happiness. As the authors concluded, people feel good when they do good.


Small Gestures Make A Difference

Giving doesn’t have to be a grand or expensive gesture. Drop off a fresh batch of cookies to your neighbor with a new baby. Donate some warm socks to a women’s shelter. Use your loyalty points to buy goods for those in need, every little bit helps. The key is to choose an activity that you enjoy doing, for a community that you love.


Plan Ahead

Do you plan for joy? It’s important to make sure you have something to look forward to. Not just for the holidays, but more importantly for the weeks and months that follow.


Something To Look Forward To

Write down one activity that you will engage in over the next week. This can be as simple as watching a movie you are excited to see or calling a friend to chat. It can be anything that you find enjoyable, as long as it is not unhealthy (i.e., eating a whole cake in one sitting).


Something You’re Good At

You can give your happiness an added boost by scheduling an activity for each day that provides you with a sense of accomplishment. Learning a tune on a musical instrument, fixing something in the house, some DIY projects, re-organizing your spice shelf or even donating a pair of socks to a local charity. These are all activities that can help to bring your “Locus of Control” back to center.


Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude journals are great for some, but they’re not for everyone. Here are 3 simple ways to up your gratitude quotient:


Gratitude Break

Set an alarm on your phone for a quick gratitude break. Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, stop for a moment and think of something you’re grateful for, then resume what you were doing.


Bring The Positivity

When planning social video calls (aka Online Happy Hour), set a small homework task for everyone who will be participating in the call: To show up with one positive thing to share so that the conversation stays fun, positive and fulfilling.


Say Thank You

Take the time to bring a little more positivity into your home by saying thank you for the little things your loved ones do for you, things you normally take for granted.


Set Up an Ironclad Bedtime Routine

We all know the fuzzy thinking and irritability that comes from lack of sleep. But what about happiness? A 2019 study found that short sleepers had the lowest levels of happiness.


Routine & Habit Make The Difference

Set yourself up for sleep success by creating an ironclad bedtime routine. This will let your body know that it’s time to get into sleep mode. If you’re waking up in the middle of the night to scroll on social, it’s time to remove your phone from your bedroom. Not only will this prevent notifications from waking you up, it will keep your room nice and dark to increase production of melatonin (the sleep hormone).


Are you feeling overwhelmed by the changes happening all around us? Anxiety kicking into high gear and you are having trouble enjoying the things that matter. Sometimes those feelings go deeper and your system could very well be out of balance. It’s not your fault but you can certainly give your body some help to get things rebalanced. In fact we see patients everyday that just don’t feel well anymore and this year has thrown that into overdrive!

We can help! Let’s meet to check your hormone levels, see how your nervous system is doing, and work on building up your physical resilience while finding your inner joy.


Book a call. Let’s do this together!



References

Ackerman, C.E. 25 CBT Techniques and Worksheets for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/cbt-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-techniques-worksheets/


Chodron, Pema. 2002. The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. Shambhala Publications.


Lai W, Yang Z, Mao Y, Zhang Q, Chen H, Ma J. When Do Good Deeds Lead to Good Feelings? Eudaimonic Orientation Moderates the Happiness Benefits of Prosocial Behavior. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020 Jun 6;17(11):4053. doi: 10.3390/ijerph17114053. PMID: 32517165; PMCID: PMC7312963.


Locus of Control: How do we determine our successes and failures? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/moments-matter/201708/locus-control


https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/cbt-behavioral-interventions.htm


Zhao SZ, Wang MP, Viswanath K, Lai A, Fong DYT, Lin CC, Chan SS, Lam TH. Short Sleep Duration and Insomnia Symptoms were Associated with Lower Happiness Levels in Chinese Adults in Hong Kong. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2019 Jun 12;16(12):2079. doi: 10.3390/ijerph16122079. PMID: 31212815; PMCID: PMC6616396.



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